Goalz

and I voiced one of my many theories about what actually goes on on Soundcloud. Like the thing about soundcloud is that I find so many good ass producers and I get this thing going in my mind where I’m like, I can actually make a good song to any of these beats or tracks. I can make electronic music, I can make this, I can make that. And I have all these aliases that I come up with like everyday and I’m like what if I just made a different soundcloud profile for all of them and put out endless songs and just had all of these personas and random throwaway sound clouds. I would actually really enjoy that. I feel like whoever is already doing that if they are is legendary and I love it. The internet has always felt like one big art project to me/experiential thing. But yeah.

Breathe in, breathe out. It’ll all get better. Being so happy but so lonely is such a weird thing. Just trying to make it happen. The craziest part is being able to finally say no to things. Walk away from opportunities that are draining me. I am like 7 months into my real adult life and ready to shed a lot. Including this blog. Seeing other ppl in their element is hard. I feel like I could be so far if I just stuck with it but hey now I know. I’ve been learning how to enjoy myself, be realistic with myself, be kind with myself, take things off my plate, and focus on myself. I’ve had really good friends to help me and show me what it means to be kind to yourself too. Anthony 😘. Lik. Leah. Lois. Sometimes you have to let go of everything. Because what you’re holding onto is a super fragile string of fantasies. Not dreams, dreams are real, fantasies. Things you made up. The hardest part is realizing how little I trust people. Especially women. And it’s not okay. It’s helped me learn how to protect myself and set boundaries. But I get the sense I’m losing out on a lot. I just roll my fragile rollers with my fragile silk wrap nails and take it one day at a time. It’s scary letting go of loss. As if it’s not already gone. It’s been hard, it’s been super lonely. Sometimes I wish I had a distraction but it’s April and it’s lonely and it’s not too late. I regret deleting my MySpace so maybe I’ll just leave this one here. I love you Azia. I trust you Azia. I believe in you Azia. Goodbye. 😘 Catch me on my new design blog African Pancakes.

http://azia.world

http://lavenderskinz.com

But I love this blog and can never leave it to be honest. I also switched back to kuruptedkulture(with another e) because someone stole my original one and because like honestly, azia.world and lavenderskinz.com are my career this is my shit around post whatever I want culture related and really embrace tf out of myself. so Yeah. 

Check out my soundcloud too! Lots of new stuff: soundcloud.com/lavenderskinz